TTC a Miracle 2009

Admin wrote:Well I think my marriage just ended................................................

??? WTF is going on???

Well I am not a person to share my personal life with ppl. But....
I guess DH has been un-happy for the past 6 mths and just told me. The reasoning is because of our arguments that we have had. Yes, we argue mostly over $$ or his drinking habit that he had (been sobor for 1.5 yrs an just got drunk on Saturday for the first time). He got a new job in May after being laid off for 7 mths. I supported the house and still had $$ left over (all thanks to my business)

His new job is trucking again gone M-F. Which sucks. He was a truck driver when I first met him. (I always said as a kid I would never marry one WHH??) Well it has really effected me because for the past 2 years he has worked regular 12 hr days and went back to this job. It give you 2 days to spend with each other and he will hardly take days off. (Which sucks even more)

So I have some REALLY HUGE with HUGE $$ jobs coming up in the next month and in my eyes it has boiled down to $$. I am not a person who like to be told how I should be spending my $$ etc. We have a shared account (for the past 6.5 yrs),have paid the bills for the past 6.5 yrs bills are always paid and there is still plenty of $$ left over. So now he want he own $$ and own accounts. Like I have a problem with handling the house bills etc. WTF!! I don't think a marriage should have seprate checking accounts, but he says 100% of marriages have this. WTF. Not my parents or their parents or my aunts and uncles. Just his mom and step dad and some ppl in his family.

Well how many of you have shared or seprate accounts?????

Ugh... I am soo pissed!!!!

So I just said I want out and out of his family and you know what he says "fine. you will not be getting the house nor land or even half of it" WTF like I am worried about that you moron!

I don't even know what to think or what to say. I am a kid from divorced parents and it SUCKED! So, now my kids have to go through it.

Well I didn't know that he has been up happy.
I really hate bothering you with this and sharing my life story...in which isn't pretty.

Heather C- I'm so sorry. Hopefully this will just end up being a nasty argument that you are able to work through. I think we all have our share of icky fights or marital issues. <<<HUGS>>>

And, I know you probably won't like this, but me and my DH have separate accounts. We never combined them and we like having our own money. But, then again, we make nearly the same amount of $$$ and have worked out a way to split the bills. I just works for us.

Maureen - ((((((Huge Hugs))))) There aren't even words.

Heather C. - (((Hugs))) I hope that things start to get better for you. That must be so hard. I don't even know what to say.

So should I just tell him fine and he can have his money and I can have mine?? It just bothers me....a marriage is supposed to be a shared union...I guess not with $$ any more.

ugh......what to do what to do....don't think I am going to have a very nice New Year's Eve or New Years Day...

Maureen - I'm glad we know something and that you are doing okay. Let us know if you need anything from us.

Heather C. - That is terrible. To tell you the truth we have both and seperate and a shared. But we split the bills and we help each other out when the other might need money. I hope that it doesn't end up nasty. I can't believe he is making a big deal about money. To me as long as the bills are paid and you all can have money left over for your family that is all that matters. Does he understand what the kids will be going through. I hope that something good happens. Don't worry about sharing stuff like this with us, that is what we are here for.

i cannot stop crying................I just want to wake up a rewind and start all over. How do we fix it? We both bring in about the same and one or he other will bring in more then the other. But as I said before I think it is because of this up coming accounts that I have. Which is a life time oppurtunity!!!

Oy Vay!!

Aw, Heather ~ hugs. I hope that this is just something that can be resolved once you guys aren't so angry and can sit and talk. Sometimes we will say some hateful things when we're angry. Chris and I are great for that. We'll go for the jugular at times and neither of us means it. We just want to cause some pain right then and there.

I will tell you that my DH and I had and still have separate accounts. We were both married before and were screwed by our ex-es (we both had to do bankruptcies). So, when we got married, we kept our separate accounts and we did have a joint account. Now that I'm not working, we have two joint accounts. Chris will be giving me $600 a month to do as I see fit with (mainly groceries, gas, haircuts, stuff for Alexa). I used to think having my own money was the most important thing but given this opportunity to stay home with Alexa, I see that it's not.

Take a deep breath, take a bath, remove yourself from the situation for a bit and once you and your DH have calmed down, try to talk about it again.

We're here if you need to vent and have stuff to say that you don't want family to hear about <3

Heather--I am so terribly sorry that you are going through this. How scary it must be for you. Would your DH be open to some kind of couples counseling? I can understand how hard it must be on your family to not have him around very much.
DH and I struggled w/the decision on what to do with our accounts. We finally decided on only joint accounts b/c DH would NEVER balance his checkbook and that drove me nuts. I actually handle all of our finances b/c he is usually too lazy to open his mail, lol. When we first started dating his cell phone kept getting shut off b/c he never opened the bill. He had like 10K in the bank...just never opened the mail.
It works for us, but I know it is not for everyone.
I know it's hard to share deeply personal things like this. And while we all know each other on this board...we don't really 'know' each other in real life. So sometimes it's easier to be open and honest with people we don't know in real life.
Please feel free to come to us for support and share as much or as little as you feel comfortable. *hugs*

Maureen - I'm so sorry. I was afraid that might be the reason for the high beta and was really really hoping it wasn't it. This is so unfair. I hate that this keeps happening to you. =( I just want to scream.

Heather - My DH and I have joint accounts and always have, however, I would be more concerned about his reasons why he wants this all of a sudden and why he says he is unhappy. I hope this is something that can be worked through after things settle down. Hugs.

Maureen - I'm so sorry sweetie...lots of hugs and prayer, something great is going to happen you will see

Heather - It was probably just an arguement where things were said that were not really meant
Rob and I have always had separate accounts, mostly b/c he is the one that brings in the money, any money I bring in is mine...as long as bills get paid he can spend whatever, I usually do not make enough to pay bills but I bought all of the kids their christmas presents this past year with mine. My parents have always had separate accounts...I see no real big deal with it

Ladies. Well didn't have the best night sleep. This didn't just all start lastnight. This has been going on since Saturday. So I don't think this is going to be ok.

I am unsure why he wants his own accounts. He won't have time to pay the bills etc and he will be bitching about it.

Plus, when are we going to have time to switch accounts?? He wouldn't even take today off to get the car inspected cause it expires today his job was more important, she he is going to drive the car with out inspection till he has time to get it done. Stupid me for making an appointment then!

Ugh. What should I do??? I really appreciate all the support.

Heather C-
My DH and I have had a joint account since we got engaged and got our own place. It works for us. Honestly though, my DH makes way more $$ than I do but has no idea how much we have in the bank on any given day. It works for us though.
For me, I'd be way more concerned about why he all of the sudden wants separate bank accounts. If it didn't both him before, I'd want to get to the actual root of why he wants it now. It could be something as silly as one of his guy friends saying he has one and now your DH wants it too. Men like to feel in control sometimes. If my DH told me though however that he's been unhappy being in our marriage for some time (other than $$ issues) and whatnot, I personally would not open give him any money. If he just wants an account to keep a few hundred dollars a month in, I don't think I'd have a problem with it. I would still make sure that the bulk of all $$ went into our "household" account.

I guess it's hard for me b/c DH and I both have credit cards and access to the joint account and neither of us has ever given the other a reason to be upset about money. We only spend what we have. DH doesn't question me about what I spend and he knows that I wouldn't tolerate it b/c I've never abused the issue. I didn't work for 6 years and DH solely supported our family. Mow that I am working, my paychecks automatically get deposited to our account.

I hope you guys can work this out. For me personally, I wouldn't end a marriage over money unless there was a much bigger root problem. Let us know how you are doing.

Well I am off to the bank before he gets home for the long weekend.

I am VERY unsure why he wants his own account. But it doesn't give me a good feeling. I think there is more to the issue at hand the $$. Believe me i don't want to seperate. (which is NY law before divorce) but it is what I have to do at this point or at least perpare for.

Jeanette~ We were the same way...here but who know what is going on.
Plus, my MIL just added to it so I am not to impressed there.

Well got to finish cleaning and get my things done so and can get my stuff done that is needed before he comes home.

Maureen - I'm so sorry about this. There is really nothing else I can say to make it better, but we are all here for you when you need us. Don't forget! I just wish that this would not have happened to you.

Heather - I have to agree with the ladies that asked what the reasoning is behind this big change. I don't want to think the worst of someone I don't know at all but I think it's suspisious to say the least. I hope that he will realize how hard it will be for him without you in his life before he makes those decisions. I know everyone has arguments in a relationship I know that we do too and most of the time it's about money as well. We have ashared account and DH wants to be in "Charge" of the money but he doesn't do a good job and that pisses me off. So those are our issues too! But I hope sometime to cool off will help both of you come to a happier place. I wish you all the best!

I hate to even ask this, but was anyone ever really nervous waiting for their beta? I'm just so nervous and I know it's not good, but I can't help it. I'm trying not to think about it, but it's really hard. Just wondering if anyone else has felt this way.

CJ71903 wrote:I hate to even ask this, but was anyone ever really nervous waiting for their beta? I'm just so nervous and I know it's not good, but I can't help it. I'm trying not to think about it, but it's really hard. Just wondering if anyone else has felt this way.

I've never had a beta done, but I can tell you that I felt like that while waiting to take a HPT. The day I got a BFP I just knew it was going to be a BFN, but I was wrong!

So...do you guys remember me complaining that I thought the Depo shot was making me fat? Well...I still totally believe it. I switched to BCPs about 3 or 4 months ago and have lost weight! I didn't notice until my coworker said to me the other day, "Hey! Droopy Drawers, maybe you should get a belt!" LOL! I wear the same 4 pairs of pants to work every week, and didn't notice.

So, I decided to weigh myself today. I went from 134 to 127! I'd like to get to my pre-Jalen weight of 123ish, but I'm happy at this weight! I have such a small frame, that a few pounds can really make a difference. You guys should see my wrists. I've never seen an adult with such dainty wrists! LOL!

When I was on Depo I was soooo hungry all the time and kept stuffing my face. On BCP I have my appetite under control (and I think I'm not eating enough). But, I think it also helped that I had that sinus infection and didn't feel like eating.

Adrienne - I went on the depo after having Nathaniel and I lost NOTHING until I went off of it, then in no time I was back to my pre preggo weight again...

Clare - TOTALLY!!! I was so nervous I couldn't focus on anything. I think it's very normal. THis little test has the opportunity to change your life forever. I can't wait to hear. I am hoping for the best for you!!!! We need some good news around here don't we!

Adrienne - Yes the shot will make you fat. I was on it for 6 month a few years ago and gained 25 pounds in like 8 months. Went off of it and starting losing almost instantly. I mean I have always been a heavy girl but still... it was hell!

gotta run and make some lunch for the kiddos. They aare having leftover spagetti from dinner last night lol.

Thanks, Gigi and Adrienne! I just needed to hear that I'm not going crazy. I'm just so scared of another negative beta.

And I have to say that these hormones that I've taken are NOT for the faint of heart. I am super emotional today (happened last time too, I think). Someone was nice to me this morning and I just had a big cry (I mean sobbing) because they were so nice. It was kind of happy tears, in a way, I guess. Wow - I feel like a freak!

Alicia-I’m glad you are all safe from the eventful trip this year!

Becky C-We’ve missed you so much! I like your new picture=)

Maureen-I’m so sorry what happened with the ectopic but I have to say I am happy you are ok since sometimes those aren’t so good for the mommy’s too.

Adrienne-I love the PB! Yay to losing weight too without even trying!

Heather-I’m so sorry about all of this….wow. It is so unfortunate that he’s being that way about the money. But I worry about his unhappiness because that isn’t fixed as easily as money issues. As for accounts….we have a shared checking and savings but then we do have separate checking and savings. I only have my checking open for my IRA because the money comes directly out of it each month. I barely have any money put into there. And our individual savings are more like fun money…..We can do whatever with that money and not talk to each other about it. He does make wayyyy more money than me but this way works for us.

Denise-I never knew you were married before! Not that it’s any of my business LOL

Clare-Ummm YES! I had a few done with the first pregnancy and then two with Ben….sucks waiting.

Crying baby! It was snowing today at the funeral…brrrrrr!

Heather C.-Dh and I have joint accounts and have since before we got married. He has a business account also, that I have total access to. His money he makes goes into there and I take from it what I need. I handle all the bills because its just easier for both of us. I hope you and your DH can work this out. I don’t know the extent of the issues that you have or for how long this has been going on but hopefully you can work it out. Have you thought about counseling? I agree with what Jeannette said about getting to the root of the problem.

Adrienne-One of my friends at work had the same problem with the depo shot! Yay for losing weight!

Kate-Missed you guys too J

Denise-Hope DH was safe in this weather! We got about three inches of snow today and now its turning to sleet and freezing rain, yuck.

AFM-So I was a little nervous the last couple days cause AF last week was just basically spotting. No red blood at all. I have been on BCPs since Nick was born and I take them religiously but I still got worried. Then I had myself all worked up thinking I was having pregnancy symptoms, lol. POAS today and I am not pg! I know I would be happy if I was but DH and I definitely want to wait a little longer!

Work was busy today! I have to work New Years Day tomorrow which means I will be dealing with all the drunks from the night before, lol. DH and I are staying in tonight, ordering sushi and watching The Hangover. Hope everyone has a great New Years!

Becky C.

Hi ladies...I've finally woken up today. I went to bed last night at 10pm, woke up b/c of cramps at 6:30am. Played on the computer for a little bit, then laid down for a nap at 8am and didn't wake up until 1:30pm. LOL I know it's the methotrexate doing it to me. Fortunately I don't have the muscle aches like last time...just my butt hurting from the 2 shots.

My MIL just sent me an email asking how I am feeling, yada yada yada. I really don't want to talk to her about this on the phone (she doesn't know that I started spotting last week) but I know that she will freak out if she reads it in an email. I am really regretting that we told her. Maybe I'll wait until DH wakes up and hand him the phone if it gets to be too much for me. But then that will make him upset b/c he doesn't like talking to her, lol.

Clare--I am so hopeful that the New Year brings you the best possible news. When is your beta test again?

Any of you ladies have recommendations for birth control? I've only ever used the pill. I am pretty sure they won't let me have an IUD b/c of the ectopics. And it's sounding like DepoProvera shots are not the way to go b/c of the weight gain. Have any of you used anything else?

Maureen-I am glad you are having less side effects then the last time. Good luck with talking to your MIL, I am sure it is going to be hard no matter which one of you does the talking. I wish you and your DH all the happiness is the coming year. I can tell you two have a very special bond and I know that together you will get through this and do what is best for you. As for BC, I have always done the pill. My best friend was on the patch for years and loved it. My SIL tried that nuvo (sp?) ring and didn't like it.

Becky C.